she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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