my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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