saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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