i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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