and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
