how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
