Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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