my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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