i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
