Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
