shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I see more hoeing in ur future
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
