i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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