if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
