Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible