Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I need a hoe opinion
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.