I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.