According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.