You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
