sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize