i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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