Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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