My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
