Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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