Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
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No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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