So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
