i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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