Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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