I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
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I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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