after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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