dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
