she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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