could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
