I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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