Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize