we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
