first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Randomize
