life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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