Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
