I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
