Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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