you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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