every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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