Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
