Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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