Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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