After last night, I could never be a politician.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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