made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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