Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
