I wish life had little blips of pornography
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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