oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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