What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
