you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
