I think I am morally bankrupt
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
