the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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