booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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