it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
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