i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
