After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
