The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Panties = found
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