Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
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You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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