ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
