it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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