toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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