my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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