now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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