butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
