Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
