I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
