Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
