Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
